Let me tell you just a little about Rachael Ray. She has shows on the Food Network, including 30-Minute Meals and $40 a Day. She was born in Massachusetts. She has a dog named Isaboo. She uses her own made-up phrases for normal things, like yum-o-sammies for sandwiches.
She is a huge fucking mouth with legs.
So, I don't like Rachael Ray. Big deal. I find her fakoid, out-of-control, ridiculous cheeriness about as comforting as dumping one of her hot stoups (her phrase for stew-like soup) in my naked lap. I find her broad, shiny smile to be as pleasant to look at as The Donald's hair. But mostly, it's that voice. That high-pitched, energy-infused, happy, happy, happy voice. The way she ooohs and ahhs over the $5 salad she gets in Cancun, or the way she gushes over the bartender at a Boston pub. I cannot stand her.
And, conceptually, I think her shows are not so bad. A program about affordable eating and one about quick prep home cooking are both extremely accessible and rather handy. But why does it have to be her speaking during them? I'd take fifty hours of "BAM!" before I'd make it through a single episode of a Ray show. Unless she didn't have to talk. At all. Ever.
So, imagine my great horror when I saw the sign plastered to the back of the bus I was driving behind, taking my daughter to school.
The Rachael Ray Show.
No. No, no, no. How can this be? A TALK SHOW??? A show in which the ONLY thing she has to do is what I hate the most about her??? How the hell can this be? How can the people out there, presumably the same people who bring us respectable television like The View or Tyra or, or... oh, dear.
We have a personality problem, America. And, while our nation's personality could in fact use an overhaul, that is not what I mean. I mean, we have an issue with this brand of people, personalities, who do nothing. They are just there. Smiling. Taking up my time. Now, there are the obvious examples that have been discussed and blogged about to no end like Paris and Lindsay and Nicole and so on. But, we've always had people like that. And, usually, they try to make in some sort of legit way (see: Paris' new album). So be it. We're all used to it.
What I am really dismayed by are the number of people going in the opposite direction. People with actual careers who are tossing them away in exchange for personality status. Donald Trump? Formerly a weirdo rich real estate tycoon. Now? A guy who yells "you're fired" on national television. Barbara Walters? Formerly a top journalist. Now? Jesus, I don't even know what to call her. A woman with a view?
And now Rachael Ray. Formerly a hyper-annoying little person with, at least, a couple of substantive, though unbearable, programs. Now? She's leaving the substance in the dust, and is just a hyper-annoying little person. I can't take it.
Thank god for Project Runway. A little dose of grounded normalcy in this otherwise insane world.
4 comments:
Hee hee! My favorite blog yet!
It must have been how we were raised -- I'd rather punch her than watch her.
Awwww. I'm disappointed! From the title, I was hoping for another Ray story.
And I hope you're not speaking ironically about Project Runway. Because I love it, really and truly.
No, I genuinely love Project Runway. It's the best thing on television (save, perhaps, Sorkin's new show). The irony in my final comment is that I meant it!
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