Ass

There I am in Houston. Hanging out with Kirk. He's the SBC guy given the task of fixing our fax/DSL line, installing and setting up our new DSL service and, well, anything else we can think of. He's big, bald and big, and he is busting his ass to get this stuff working for our new branch.

He and I have entered the elevator at the lowest level (Concourse) and are taking it up to 9. Some suited guys are in there, too, and a couple of women get on a little later and continue up with us.

Here's the full script:

(Kirk and I walk into the elevator.)

ME: Man, this morning has gotten off to a rough start.

KIRK: You're telling me.

ME: Yeah. Do you see these kinds of problems with DSL lines very often?

KIRK: Not really, man. There are multiple issues going on here, and we have to tackle each one individually. Long trip ahead.

ME: (sighing) Oy. Well, um. We'll get there eventually, right?

KIRK: I suppose so. I hope so.

(pause)

(The elevator opens at 5 and the two women start to exit. One turns back to us as the doors close.)

ANGRY WOMAN: (to me) There. You happy now?

ME: Uhhhhhh...?

Just as the elevator continues up, it all makes sense. See, those two women got on at the first floor, not the lower floor with us.

Here's THEIR version of the script:

(They get on the elevator on the first floor. There are two men in suits, an SBC guy and a devastatingly handsome man.)

(They press 5.)

KIRK: ...long trip ahead.

ME: (sighing) Oy. Well, um. We'll get there eventually, right?

KIRK: I suppose so. I hope so.

They thought we meant THEM. As if their additional floor was ruining our day, not to mention our express ride to 9. I turn to the suits and say, "they thought we were talking about them, didn't they?"

The suits laugh. Their position on the elevator had clearly given them a good view of the women's faces. "Oh, YEAH," they reply.

I feel guilty. I feel terrible. I want to go back to 5 and yell, "We were talking about DSL! DSL!!!! I'm no jerk!!! Not this time!!!" But I can't. It's over. I have offended, albeit unintentionally. I feel sort of sad.

Kirk takes it all in, cracks a weathered grin, and says, "Well, ladies. That's what happens when you come in on the ass end of a conversation."

True, dat. Double true.