Landing

There is this huge flight of stairs that leads up to my L train stop by our house. I take these steps up to the platform at 8:14am, give or take six minutes, five times a week. It's what I do.

The steps are wooden, and their surface has been worn smooth by too-many-years-to count of use. They are basically outside, though under the station roof for the most part. The steel frame that holds them is also fairly smooth and, no doubt, equally old.

On occasion, when there are massive train delays, the platform above is so packed with commuters that I have to wait midway up the stairs as trains go by. This is rare, though, and only happens once every couple of months. Most days it's smooth sailing up the flight to the platform, and I'm able to get on the first train that comes by. (Side note: when my brother visited Chicago for the first time after we moved here, he was struck, figuratively, by how narrow most of the L platforms are. Totally freaked him out.)

Anyway, this flight of stairs has a landing midway up. The stairs do not turn 90 degrees or anything. There's just a huge square step halfway up. I have no idea why it's there, what purpose it is serving. But, every morning, without fail, I sort of pause on this landing. It's not really by choice, and it's hard to precisely describe what it feels like. It's almost like I'm dizzy and need a moment to regain my balance - only it's not that. I'm in no way about to fall. It's like I take this moment to give myself the push to finish the flight. Not because I'm tired, not because it's that hard to climb this flight of stairs. Nope, it's not that, either.

In fact, I'm not exactly sure why I do it. Do I need to push myself into my day a little? Give myself a moment of silent encouragement to go into work and, well, work? Or is it just my body saying, "hey, no rush, man." Is it that I can faintly smell the kitchen starting up at the nearby Italian restaurant, and my subconscious wants a good whiff?

I may never know. But it happens every day, without fail. It lasts perhaps one second, maybe less. And it is what it is, I suppose.

But, I guess the biggest question of all is: if that landing weren't there, would I still pause? If not, then is THAT why the landing was put there to begin with?