The day after

Last night I went to our neighborhood Jewel (for those out-of-towners, insert Kroger, Food Lion or Piggly-Wiggly here) to pick up a few items. At the checkout line, I found myself behind a guy about my age looking fairly stressed out. He was buying only two things: an unimpressive-looking box of Russell Stover Assorted Cremes and a card that read "To my Wife on Valentine's Day."

As I am observing this guy collect his goods, a man one register over starts loudly asking the advice of the his cashier. "Do you think I should switch out for the chocolates? Those chocolates? Maybe so, right? Right? Maybe so. Flowers are too cliche. Switch them out, make the switch, yeah."

I turn back to my cashier to engage in my transaction (which includes Horizon milk, Tropicana OJ and bread) only to see him pointing rather aggressively at a clipped ad that has been taped to the side of his register. "You like candy to buy candy on sale Valentine Day, sir?" I shake my head.

And then I see it. The ad is hanging above a stack of boxed chocolates. Heart-shaped boxes of cheap chocolate. I look back to the other register where the guy was deciding what to buy and that register has an identical tower. They all do. All fourteen registers have stacks of chocolate boxes, waiting. Waiting to guilt the next poor sap into making the candy purchase of his life.

Look, Valentine's Day sucks. It's a ridiculous holiday dressed up as a feel-good event, but really just makes each and every one of us feel shitty. Naturally, there are the people who do not have a significant other, and we all know that Valentine's Day stinks for them. But what about the rest of us? Those of us with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives? Those of us who, because of a label on a calendar, treat our loved ones to special gifts and attention?

I mean, do people actually think that getting a partner something "romantic" on February 14th is even in the same ballpark of thoughtfulness as getting the exact same thing for the exact same person on ANY OTHER DAY? Of course it's not. It's not even close. It's not even close because, when given on Valentine's Day, it has no doubt involved three calendars, two Outlook reminders, four post-it notes, and perhaps even a last-minute run to Jewel. That is not romantic. That is not lovely. And that is definitely not thoughtful. It demonstrates the ability to remember a day, not a person.

So, I say that Valentine's Day sucks. It reminds people who are alone of all the things they don't have, no doubt, and it reminds me, someone who is happily married, of all the things I DON'T want my love life to be: predictable, commercial and average.

[I do feel that it's important to mention here that this post should in no way be misconstrued as a statement about fine chocolate. I love the good stuff, and will happily give and receive it 364 days out of the year. And, there is no one in this world I would rather down an entire box of Godiva with in one sitting than my lovely wife. Happy February 15th, honey.]